hi im alive.

i dropped off the face of the earth and gained 5 kgs (11 lbs), so i was scared to come back and face up to the fat(ter) person i've become over these past few months.

recently i've been really sick. i've had the flu, and havent been to school or seen my friends for about 10 days. it felt good not to see them - i didn't want to. but it also became routine; getting up and not doing anything. and i realised that it was making me feel good. the routine. because for a while there, i didnt have routine of any sort. for a while there, everyday was different and chaotic and a mess. and that reminded me of how i felt last year and earlier this year, when i was restricting and exercising and most importantly losing. i liked that routine feeling. and i want that back. and i'll have that back.

that's all i wanted to say. i'm not going to make anymore unrealistic promises to myself about writing in this lj every single day, but i will make goals and i will  achieve them and i will have the willpower (no pun intended...i swear!) to lose weight.

this is what i call a Fresh Start.

xo